please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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