ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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