Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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