i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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