hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
