I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Are my feet made of real feet?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
