i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
