Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
