dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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