Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
