hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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