Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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