I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
