OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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