i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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