Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
