She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
