i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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