Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
