Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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