Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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