Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
