You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
