ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
