this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
