I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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