I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
