i just wanna soil my oats bro
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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