he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
