I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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