Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
