I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm always down for nudity.
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