sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
