Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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