I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
