I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
