someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
