It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
