Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
