peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
