Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I need to sanitize my soul.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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