Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
