I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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