And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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