just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
