she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
