i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
