I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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