I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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