At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
