not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
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i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
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I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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