so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
