do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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