Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
