My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We had sex on a dog bed..
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
