"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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