worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
