Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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