i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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