I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
