sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
