I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
