So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
