I am in a vortex of obligation.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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