I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
