i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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