You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
