did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
two words: eviction party
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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