Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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