you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
