Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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