Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
